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We hear a lot these days about whether a person is an introvert
or an extrovert. Books and articles abound about how to figure out
which one you are, what the strengths are of each, and how to
We hear a lot these days about whether a person is an introvert or an extrovert. Books and articles abound about how to figure out which one you are, what the strengths are of each, and how to leverage them for successmostly in the context of business.
Whether the individual is an introvert or an extrovert is important, its only half of the picture when it comes to the important relationship dynamics in ones life. Introversion and extroversion have to do with how one relates to others interpersonal relations. But how one relates to others is just part of the picture its just one kind of relationship. What about the other relationship, the most significant one? Im talking about intrapersonal relationships or how one relates to oneself.
How do you treat yourself?
How often have you found yourself feeling angry, and out of sorts, but not at another person, or group of people youre just angry? The anger usually comes from your having failed to meet expectations that youve placed on yourself. The funny thing is that in many cases, we take external expectations that others have of us, and internalize them often without bothering to ask if theyre fair to us. Anger, sadness, anxiety, and the related negative emotions are a result of that. You feel a distance between who you expect yourself to be, and who you are. Its a real and certain existential divide that lies at the heart of so much of our daily angst.
How to treat yourself better?
1. Journal regularly
Seriously. Write down your feelingsnot your judgments about your feelingsbut just how youre feeling. All of us have some terrible thoughts, impure thoughts, crazy thoughts, from time to time. Its important that we acknowledge those thoughts and feelings, then realize that those thoughts and feelings are not who we are. It regularly helps to create distance between your reactions and your actions, between your emotions and your choices. But be sure to use almost entirely first-person language. Avoid making judgments about others how they feel, what their desires and motives are, and the like. That will keep the focus where it needs to be, on you.
2. Dont identify your thoughts
You are not the thoughts you think. You are not the emotions you feel.Those things pop into your mind, and you then choose how to relate to them, but they are not who you are. Realizing this can be difficult, but its the first step in developing a sense of yourself as a being to be loved and nurtured.
3. Work a 4th Step
Being at peace with yourself is difficult. It requires a lot of initial work, and a lot of maintenance. It requires changing your disposition from being critical to being compassionate to yourself and others.
If All fails
If all else fails, remember this: at the end of the day, you are all you really have. Everyone and everything in your life is subject to the forces of decay and death; they can leave well before you do in one way or another. But you are stuck with you for the rest of your life. The more you understand, accept, love, and nurture yourself, the better your life will be.