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He was thinking about his thoughts,how often and how fast they
change.How vivid and how dark they are,how insane and how stubborn
it is.He tried to note them down,but his mind was against him.He
He was thinking about his thoughts,how often and how fast they change.How vivid and how dark they are,how insane and how stubborn it is.He tried to note them down,but his mind was against him.He felt helpless for the first time realizing that his mind,the one thing he solely depended and trusted was betraying him.He knew he was supposed to be thinking postive things,deep down he was on optimist,but optimistic was something was different from him.Others of same age was busy falling in love,with their studies,making a live while he was still struggling for a way to understand his thoughts.Was that the origin of a legend or the revelation of a schizophrenic .Yet kept thinking,not dreaming because dreaming means you're imagining it,he was just thinking it.As every normal thought begins with a 'what if',his always begun with 'why'.And he kept wondering why he was having these thoughts.Maybe its the movies,maybe its the books,maybe these things are programmed into him.He was afraid of the thoughts but these very thoughts kept him alive.At the same time,he needed to get rid of his thoughts.He was willing to trade his ability to think with a cat or a dog,he wished he was what we call 'mentally retarded' or 'dead'.His thoughts began to take the best of him and he knew it.He knew he shouldn't be thinking like this,he should be more aware,he should be normal.But somehow,those thoughts got lost in another flow of things.He was forgetting himself,his existence,his responsibilities,his life.He was fond of loneliness and big rooms,he was fond of nights and dark,he was fond of art.Money was just a piece of paper, relationships were transparent, happiness was just a dream, sadness was something he wished for.All he got was this weird feeling of not feeling anything.Yet he kept wondering "should i change?is my life meant to be like this?are we really capable of change?is my puppet master playing with me?am i someone's alter ego?"